Inner Conflict

What are these tears?

Where is my laughter?

From what place has this pain arisen?

This trivial throbbing, gnawing, infuriating impair in my head.

It dances in and overwhelms me.

Pinching off bit by bit

My since of reason, normalcy, and sanity.

They have real pain.

They know real anguish.

They create new definitions to the word devastation.

But they keep going out of obligation and pride.

But I, I, tremble …

Breaking at the mere initiation or occurrence of sadness.

Holding my tears under the eye lids

And imprisoning the screams in my throat.

A release would offer an insult to the bearers of valid sadness.

A suitable response for my hurt would be a simple shaking of the head,

But my burdensome response is fear and helplessness.
I feel the need to apologize to those who’ve endured deeper cuts.

Therefore I will smile and convince myself with hollow reassurances

Empty promises and void wisdom…

To say…I’m okay.